Super Mario Bros: Saturday Secrets
by jam-loves-pb
Summary: Mario has anger problems. Luigi is unfaithful. Peach always reaches for the bottle. And Bowser...well, just see. Please r & r.CHAPTER FOUR IS UP: Bowser's Pictures
1. Mario's RAGE!

"Super Mario Bros.: Saturday Secrets"

Chapter One: Mario's RAGE!

Mario has anger management problems. Luigi is unfaithful. Peach has a drinking problem. And Browser… well, you'll see.  (Note: I don't own Super Mario Bros., Nintendo does—Nintendo does probably not support these stories. Okay?)

It was a regular Saturday morning and everything was going great. I had just finished eating my 'healthy' breakfast and was washing the dishes. It was sunny and the birds were chirping. Everything was great. It was my day off—great, no plumbing today. Then I broke a dish. Then chipped my coffee mug. I could feel the anger starting to boil under my skin. But I took deep breaths and soon it went away. _Great going, Mario! _ Anyway, back to the story. 

I went into my living room and turned on the TV to watch the Weather Network. The forecast read that it will be sunny and bright and warm all day. Nothing could get me mad now. After a short while, I went to go for a walk and then my neighbour Ms. Florence asked me if I could fix her pipe. It was my day off and I didn't feel like doing any type of plumbing but of course, I am a good neighbour.  So I went  inside her house and she led me to her kitchen. I saw what the problem was and went back home to get my tools. In like 15 minutes everything was clear. No more plumbing today! I didn't even get a lousy cup of tea or anything for my work. Cheapo. 

After that I continued my walk. But bang! Guess who else came calling for my help? Mr. Harvey jogged over and in between pants, he asked me if I could check out his toilet and see what's up with it. So I walked all the way to his home and to his bathroom and checked his toilet. No problem. It was only clogged. Nothing a little elbow grease couldn't handle. And plus, I got a piece of hot apple pie for my work. At least Mr. Harvey and his wife weren't like cheap-y Ms. Florence. They "paid" me. Okay, I was all pumped up now for my walk. I trotted a bit further down the street and along came Madame Cartier and she asked me for some help installing a faucet that fell off. Now I was a bit ticked because this was my _day off_. But like a good ol' neighbour I gladly offered my services. 

By the time all that was over it was already one o'clock in the afternoon. And I felt like I needed a nap. So I went to bed and dozed off. But not for too long. Because guess who called me up and woke me up from my siesta? One of my clients, the mayor. I was grumpy and didn't feel like helping him with his plumbing work. No free labour here. But he offered me a nice cheque and promised to recommend my plumbing services to others. Okay. Who couldn't resist?

When I got there, Mr. Big Shot Mayor had some plans of his own. He kept me for a few hours to re-do all his bathroom plumbing! By the end, I was all sweaty and hot and oh so cranky. And when I asked for my pay, the mayor chuckled and said:

"Oh, oh, Mario! I must have misplaced my cheque-book. Sorry about that."

And he shooed me out the door. Now, I was mad! My face went all red and I clenched my fists, locked my jaw. I've done a lot of work all day on MY DAY OFF. And all I got was a super-skinny slice of pie and a bunch of empty thank yous. I banged on the greedy mayor's door. He opened it up and I jumped him. Strangled him. His snobby wife must have called the cops because I saw them pulling into the drive way. An officer came and held me. I would have killed him [the mayor]. Then my anger got a hold of me. I punched the police officer and his fat sidekick pulled me away. Soon the media was there too. All the TV news reporters and nosey neighbours were watching. The cops were trying to act all tough and they tried to arrest me. It didn't work at first. But by the 3rd time, I was in the cop car and all the by-standers were booing me. I had just have the plumbing business a bad name. 

I spent he rest of the night down at the station in anger. I tried to call Luigi to bail me out but no one would pick up the phone. Finally after the 100th ring, Luigi picked up. In the background I could hear a woman. She sounded like Linda, my ex from high school. What was he doing with her? And was too busy to bail me out? 

"Later bro, I got some business to do. I'll getcha in the morning. Sleep tight. Don't let the criminals get you." That's all what Luigi said. _Click! _He hung up. I threw a fit in the cell and went to bed. Again. That was my Saturday. 


	2. Luigi and Linda

"Super Mario Bros.: Saturday Secrets"

Chapter Two: Luigi and Linda

Mario has anger management problems. Luigi is unfaithful. Peach has a drinking problem. And Browser… well, you'll see.  (Note: I don't own Super Mario Bros., Nintendo does—Nintendo does probably not support these stories. Okay?)

I slept in again. By the time I woke up, took a shower, and had a bite to eat, it was already one in the afternoon. I watched some TV while I impatiently waited for my date with Linda. Tonight, Linda, and me out for supper, and then back at my place. I felt a knot in my stomach as I remembered my teenage years…the seventies…what memories…

I Mario was a senior at the school. He was short and plump and in love with Linda. I on the other hand, wasn't a high school senior, had bad acne, and was skinny'n'tall like a stick. I was also madly in love with Linda. Linda Sinclair. Mario tried to ask her out many times before but she always said no. Poor Mario was hurt. Many months passed and still no luck. Until two weeks before the prom. Linda had no date, so when Mario asked her, she glumly said yes. Mario was elated and in heaven. He got to go to the prom with Linda and he wasn't modest about it either. Everyday he'd shove it in my face that Linda loves him (yeah right) and not me (why would she?). 

It was the night of the big prom. I was stuck at home listening to my records in my pajamas, while fat Mario got to go out. He begged Dad all week if he could pick Linda up in Dad's brand-new Camaro. Dad flatly said nope and Mario was stuck to drive Linda to the prom in a big, dirty, plumbing van. The night was boring and the prom must have been too, because Mario came home before his midnight curfew. He looked sad and lost. The next day, I saw Linda at the grocery store. I said "hi" (my first words I've ever spoken to her) and she smiled back. We ended up talking. And that talking ended up to something else in the back of the store. Kissy kissy. Oh boys did I feel good! I had my first kiss! Before Mario did (I think)! It was hard keeping it a secret from Mario. But uh-oh. One day it slipped out and Mario was mad. Steam was coming out of his ears. Then in a flash of violence, Mario punched me in the face. Talk about anger problems. /I 

I sat in my living room and smiled at my memories. Yesterday, by fluke, I met up with Linda again. We talked over coffee and I invited her out for dinner tonight at the best Italian restaurant in town. And maybe after that, some "honey action" at my place. Oh yeah baby! 

Later on that night, well after dinner…

Linda stood in my doorway and I leaned in for a kiss. I took her coat and asked her if she'd like a cup of coffee. Wine perhaps? Tea? Water? She shook her head no and smooched me again. And again. Every kiss more passionate then the last. We made it to my bedroom. Then the phone rang. And rang. And rang. At like the millionth ring, I picked it up. It was Mario. And he was mad. What else was new?

"Luigi! Luigi! This is me, Mario. I'm at the police station. Come and bail me out, Luigi. Puh-leeze!" Mario pleaded on the phone. I told Linda to be quite but she didn't listen. Mario must have heard her because he fumed and asked, "What's that I hear? Who's that? Is it…" gasp! "Linda Sinclair!" 

Oops. I was caught. After that incident when I was a teen, I promised Mario I wouldn't ever do anything with Linda ever again. I felt bad, and in hurry I made up some lame excuse and hung up on my brother. It didn't hit me that he was really at the station until 15 minutes later. And by that time Linda was loving me all over. Mmm'mmm good! 


	3. Peachie

"Super Mario Bros.: Saturday Secrets"

Chapter Three: Peachie

Mario has anger management problems. Luigi is unfaithful. Peach has a drinking problem. And Bowser… well, you'll see.  (Note: I don't own Super Mario Bros., Nintendo does—Nintendo does probably not support these stories. Okay? Also, the name Richard Johnson is made up and I don't think any one who works for Nintendo has that name. If they do, it's purely coincidental)

I woke up that morning with a major hangover. My head hurt and my belly was queasy. I got up from my bed and looked down the floor and there was a reminder of Friday night; an empty bottle of sparkling pink champagne. Oh, great. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath before I went to my bathroom. I washed my face with cool water and went to the medicine cabinet and took out a bottle of Tylenol (medicine). Oh, poppy. Stupid childproof caps! It took me a couple of moments before I could open the darn thing. I swallowed them down with a gulp of tap water. 

I made my lazy way downstairs and made myself a cup of tea. But I was too impatient for the water to boil. So I turned the stove off. I went back upstairs and went back to sleep. 

Later In The Day…

The doorbell woke me up. It was my neighbour/friend, Cindy. She was having a barbeque and was wondering if I would be interested in joining. Sure, heck, why not? I had twenty minutes to get ready (take a shower, change, brush my teeth, etc). Though I made it. I hopped out of my house, crossed my backyard, opened the gate, and entered Cindy's party. 

Her backyard was crawling with handsome men, hot dogs, and alcohol. I sat down on a lawn chair, and Cindy offered me a paper plate of juicy shish kabobs. Just then the most richest and most good-looking man came up to me. He had a tailored cigarette in his hand and two bottles of beer. He offered me one. My heart raced and my mind was giving me mixed signals. Yes. No. What should I pick? My urges, my temptations, got a better hold of me. In a split second, I chugged down the bottle and finished it with an "ahhhhh." A sly smile crept on my lips. Filled with new false confidence, I asked him what his name was and what he did for a living. 

"Richard Johnson. I work for Nintendo. You know, the video game company." He winked. I melted and soon the next round of beer came. I had another bottle. But I personally don't like beer, so I went back to my place and brought over a new bottle of red wine. And Richard and me sat on the lawn chairs, drinking it. At first I was drinking it in fancy wine goblets but by the end of the bottle, I was gulping in down straight. And I was drunk. Hammered. Wasted. Another last night all over again. But this time I had a partner to share my passion. Richard Johnson. I invited him over to my home. He accepted and soon we were drinking up some more. Just then I got an angry knock on the door. It was some women. 

"Richard? What the hell are you doing here, with this…this…tramp?! Come on don't make a fool of yourself again. Hey! Put that fricking bottle down right now!" It must have been his wife, Mrs. Johnson. I felt embarrassed and betrayed. They left and I felt like a fool. I took another swing at the alcohol cabinet before dozing off. 

NEXT CHAPTER IS BOWSER'S SATURDAY!!


	4. Bowser Pictures

"Super Mario Bros.: Saturday Secrets"

Chapter Four: Bowser's Pictures

Mario has anger management problems. Luigi is unfaithful. Peach has a drinking problem. And Bowser… well, you'll see.  (Note: I don't own Super Mario Bros., Nintendo does—Nintendo does probably not support these stories. Okay?) 

Six AM:

 My Saturday went like this. I woke up in my pink bedroom. I made my bed, decorated with my new Hello Kitty bedspreads. I changed out of my nightie and made my way into my kitchen. I had a bowl of Fruit Loops while I watched Saturday cartoons (_One Saturday Morning_ anyone?). 

Twelve PM:

Six hours later, I had already cleaned my house and was ready for my tea party with Mr. Cuddles (my stuffed bear since childhood). I brought out my plastic tea set and set up my table. All ready with chocolate chip cookies and milk and of course, air tea. I had a tea party with all my stuffed animals: Mr. Cuddles, Molly the Dolly, Mickey the Lamb, and Mutch the Puppy. 

We had a glorious tea party! After the second round of air tea, I passed around my old photo album from when I was a kid. 

First Photo:

I was in my little tutu and hugging Mr. Cuddles with a big grin on my face. I had just won my ballet recital and I was happy. 

Second Photo:

My grade three school picture; notice my two missing teeth in the front.

Third Photo:

My 12th birthday party. I was blowing out my candles on my heart shaped cake. Princess Peach was there holding a big present. 

Fourth Photo:

My 12th birthday party. My mommy had just gave me the best birthday present ever! She bought me a limited edition Nancy Drew book along with my Molly the Dolly. 

Fifth Photo:  
I was thirteen and I had just gotten my first pair of glasses along with my new braces.

Sixth Photo:

Fourteen and I was riding my new shiny bike. Pink with black streaks. Training wheels and everything. 

Seventh Photo:  
My first ever car. Not so great but drove well enough. My mommy was in the front seat with me, knitting me a new pair of booties. I was sixteen my glasses were thick like Coke bottles. 

Eight Photo:

Finally my braces came off at age sixteen. My teeth were so straight. I was smiling to the camera with a wide toothy grin. 

Ninth and Final Photo:

Seventeen years old holding up my brand spanking new Mary had a Little Lamb record. 

PLEASE REVIEW. IF YOU LIKED MY STORIES PLEASE SAY SO AND I'LL WRITE MORE. 


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